'Lou Dobbs' Arrested

The Onion reports that Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez has been arrested and deported for having lived in the United States illegally under the name Lou Dobbs.

"Mr. Dominguez did not come quietly, but in the end he came," said Sam Whitlock of the U.S. Border Patrol, who was injured during the arrest. "He pulled a knife on me, like they will, and swore a bunch in Spanish and spit on us when we finally managed to grab him by the serape and throw him against a wall. But the important thing is that he's now back where he belongs."